I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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