Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
