Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
