After last night, I could never be a politician.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
