good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
