So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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