I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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