Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
