I think i peed on brittanys purse
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
