dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Randomize
