you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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