it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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