take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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