it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
