just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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