just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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