Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
