help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
