apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
