I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
