We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
