stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
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