Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Randomize
