woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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