So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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