I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
