Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
