thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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