I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
