I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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