New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
