i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
