i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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