i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
