guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
