watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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