"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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