***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
