I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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