So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
