Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My breasts were aching with rage.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
