Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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