he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
