we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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