Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
