im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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