There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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