I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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