Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
