after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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