I'm going to jail i love you
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
