Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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