There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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