I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Sext me about skeletons
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
