I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
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